Sleeping Series #2: Does Your Child Need More Rest? By Kathy C. of Dreamy Babies

Does your child need more rest?  Hereʼs how to tell.
by Kathy C.

When you have a baby, a huge adjustment takes place for the parent and child.  The parents will often battle sleep deprivation, trying to function on about 2 hours of sleep per night and the child is adjusting to being out in the world.  Over time, mom becomes attuned to babyʼs cries and learns to effective techniques how to soothe her baby. Sleep deprivation is common during the first year for both parents and baby.  The difference with adults is that we know how to fall asleep on our own and more often than not, babies rely on their parents to help them fall and go back to sleep.  While this is normal and recommended during the first 3 months of life, continuing to assist your baby to sleep can be cause sleep disturbances down the road.

When a baby is overtired, her body will produce a stress hormone called cortisol that fights fatigue.  Similar to when adults have a late night with little sleep, we wake up tired and grumpy but within an hour or two of being awake, we suddenly have our ʻsecondwindʼ.  That is cortisol doing its job and helping us stay awake and alert during the day. Over time, lack of sleep creates a sleep deficit resulting in mood shifts, grumpiness,sleeplessness and the inability to focus or concentrate on tasks at hand.

Children who are not getting enough rest are not able to clearly verbalize what they are feeling; they feel tired and grumpy and this exhaustion typically manifests in tantrums within toddlers or prolonged crying in infants. In both cases, sleeplessness or restlessness compounds the tiredness they feel and thus creates a vicious cycle:  crying and wakefulness leads to exhaustion which leads to sleeplessness, which leads to more crying... you get the picture.

If your child is suddenly acting out or having long crying spells for no obvious reason, take a step back and think about how much sleep sheʼs had in the last 24 hours or take a look at her schedule over the last week.   If you have an older child and have had a very busy week filled with scheduled activities that have interfered with naps or resulted in late bedtimes, she is tired and needs some time to rest. 

Here are some classic signs that your child needs more sleep:
Early morning wakings.
While many children wake up for the day somewhere between 6-7am, waking earlier than 6am (if your child is older than 4 months), is a typical sign of an overtired baby. Children who go to bed overtired will wake up overtired and will not seem rested when they wake up for the day.  A well-rested baby will wake up happy and cheerful, a tired baby will wake up grumpy. 
Nap resistance and short naps
Itʼs so frustrating to know that your baby is tired yet unable to sleep.  Exhausted kids will fight sleep not because they donʼt want to sleep but because they canʼt sleep.  Cortisol ,the stress hormone that our bodies product to fight fatigue, prevents babies from relaxing, falling and staying asleep.  Overtired children will take a long time to fall asleep, cry in the process, take short naps of under one hour and cry upon waking (or will wake up grumpy). 
Hyperactivity
Itʼs very common for parents to label their children as “high needs” and “hyper” as part of their babyʼs temperament however, a very common and underlying issue is that the child is sleep deprived.  Yes, all babies are different with different personalities, and while some children are predisposed to ADHD, many children exhibit signs of ADHD not because they have it, but because they are tired.  I donʼt believe that a child is born as“high needs”; sure, some children are more sensitive than others but a “high needs” child is defined as one who cries a lot, can only tolerate stimuli for a short period of time,
extra fussy, clingy, whiney and sleeps very little. This is different from colic - where  a baby will have inconsolable crying spells in the early evening/night - because colic ends at around 3 months.  A baby who continues to cry and behave in a “colicky” way, is not experiencing colic but suffering from sleep deprivation.
Behavioral outbursts/tantrums
As the day goes on, children get tired in the early evening, usually close to dinner time.  Even with established naps, itʼs only natural for their bodies to feel tired as the day comes to a close.  That is our internal clocks at work - we are biologically wired to start winding down for the day as early evening approaches. Children who are not getting enough rest are prone to tantrums and behavioral outbursts throughout the day; increasing and often getting worse in the evening.  This is not because your child is “bad”, itʼs because heʼs tired.  Of course, all children will have tantrums but tired children have a shorter fuse and tend to cry more.  Just like hunger can change a child from a cheerful baby to a grumpy one, lack of sleep can do the same thing. 
Your child always falls asleep in the car or stroller
If a child who is past the newborn stage has a hard time staying awake after a few minutes of being in the car or stroller, he is tired and needs more sleep.  A well-rested child will have a harder time falling asleep in the car or stroller unless he had a previous short nap or a nap was missed because of a family outing, event, errands, etc. When a child is sleeping on a regular basis, is on a good sleep schedule and his naps are 1 hour or more, his body does not need the extra sleep and he will be alert, awake and happy throughout the day. I am notorious for falling asleep in a moving car because I suffer from acute insomnia (I usually get about 4 hours of sleep a night) so whenever Iʼm in the car for more than a half hour, more often than not I will fall asleep.  On days when I feel rested and Iʼve had about 6 hours of sleep, I donʼt feel tired at all. 

Bedtime battles
Many parents who have frequent bedtime battles with their children begin to dread the evening time.  This is not because they donʼt love their children but because at night, our patience is worn thin, we are tired from work or the dayʼs activities and we want to go to bed ourselves.  When you have a child who resists bedtime, throws tantrums,  stalls, cries and screams before bed, we are at a loss of what to do.  Frustration escalates, we may get angry and we may yell, which only worsens the situation through increased stimulation for our children.

Sleep deprived children who are tired from poor naps and a too-late bedtime will always fight sleep or take a very long time to settle into sleep.  In most cases, children will cry for long periods of time before falling asleep and when they do fall asleep, they will only sleep for a short period of time before waking up and crying again. Frequent night wakings only perpetuate the sleeplessness; they are overtired to begin with and are not able to get restful sleep.  This is when parents, exhausted from attending to the child at night and functioning on little sleep themselves, resort to rocking, pacifying, co-sleeping - anything - to get another few more hours of sleep.   With good intentions (trying to get baby back to sleep), continued assistance to go back to sleep will create sleep associations that will cause further sleep disruptions down the road. 

If your child appears tired, looks tired and behaves like heʼs tired, take a step back and look at his sleep patterns.  Reevaluate his bedtime and nap times and make adjustments to his schedule to shorten the wake time and move bedtime earlier.  In most cases, putting baby to bed at an earlier time significantly reduces night wakings and crying spells in the evening.
Once your child is sleeping well, all behavioral “issues” that you used to occur on a regular basis will significantly be reduced.  I wonʼt say “eliminated” because all children will test limits and throw tantrums since they still  lack the self-control that is needed to regulate their emotions.  You will notice that you have “a new baby” who is happier and in turn, your family will be happier because everyone will be getting the rest they need.

For more information on baby sleep or how to get your children to sleep better, please visit me at www.dreamybabies.ca or contact me at kathy@dreamybabies.ca

Sweet dreams!